By Piya Chee
I start this post with a caveat. I’m no expert in love, and have to be the least qualified to talk about love among the Maven Potters with no man to date this Valentine’s and the last, and the last before the last . . . you get the drift. But I did clock enough mileage on my love education having attended so many weddings, turned away a few inappropriate suitors, and watched countless Korean dramas. I’ll tell you this much I know about love:
Be forthright, not hide in the shadows of the night
Having a secret admirer following you wherever you go sounds like romance in the making. That is the problem with all these story-spinning popularised by dramaland. Reality is, excessive “following around” is just the polite term for stalking. My personal experience having a pair of eyes trained on me from behind the pillars when I had bade the guy farewell for more than 30 minutes sent my Creep-O-Meter signaling frantically past the danger zone. And how about having someone scouring through 6 years worth of albums on your Facebook and downloading all his favourite shots of you? No, I’m not talking about Mark Zuckerberg and the video his team made of us (which is stalking at another level altogether); that was some serious fanshipping I didn’t find flattering. We collectively dismiss such behaviours as crazy and I’m sorry if you had ever done it to someone you like only to be branded “creep”.
If you like someone enough, tell him or her. If you haven’t got guts, at least work on landing a group date to spend legitimate time together because being forthright gives you a better chance at finding love.
Make time for things to work out fine
To love is not to mind the extra mile. While it’s common mantra that one should avoid long-distance relationship, seeing how it has worked for some of my favourite couples can be very heartwarming. From US to Spain, and back to Singapore, Gan chases his wife Min halfway round the globe as she moves on every few years with new job posting. It’s disrupting to their plans in starting a family but their insistence on conversing everyday, making a point to spice mundane things up a little through having thematic Facetime “party”, and wanting to be involved in each other’s lives in one way or another keep the love going very strong.
Their story is my inspiration. After all, I date a rockstar who’s so busy with his band’s world tour that I meet him only when he’s scheduled for concert in town. Oh but wait, the problem is my rockstar boyfriend isn’t keeping up with my life as much as I’m concerned over his.
Noble idiocy, is well, plain idiocy
Sometimes I think media literacy programmes need to include a lesson on getting realistic with drama fantasies. Another plot sold by typical Korean melodramas, we have seen how lovebirds get separated because the female lead went away in secret for fear of burdening the male lead with her eyeball cancer (or insert any other terminal illness you could invent here:______________). And we call that the greatest love of all. My foot.
To love is not to be afraid of sharing your load with the partner because sometimes shared weight can get both out of the situation faster, and even enhance growth in the relationship. Don’t take this the wrong way to mean developing over-dependability. It’s all about having trust that you’ll have each other in facing life’s challenges together.
Don’t forget the folks who love you all the same, in spite of you
I conclude this post with the love of my BFFs, who have seen me through thick and thin and I mean this in both literal and metaphorical sense. They laughed with me and sometimes at me. They wrote beautiful blurbs to promote me to eligible bachelors, only that those blurbs end with lines digging fun at my neurosis and self-proclaimed demigoddessness, such as this:
Really, love boils down to how you can be comfortably honest with each other and having faith that you’ll be accepted despite your faults.
Here’s to love, hope and rock and roll.